Captain Dunsel?

Never heard of him? I know you Star Trek fans remember the reference - you know, the episode where Doctor Daystrom and the M-5 computer replaced Captain Kirk at the helm of the Enterprise. You got to know that one. Anyway, for those who have not seen every episode of the original Star Trek series about 186 times apiece, let me fill you in. "Captain Dunsel" is a midshipman's term for a part which no longer serves a useful purpose. Think a politician whose newer and younger party members have party excluded him, a committee chair whose members have tuned her out. And of course, our good Captain Kirk, who was left to watch as a cardboard computer ran his beloved Enterprise.

I have thought much of Capain Dunsel over the last couple of weeks. Much like the ship captain, I was once at the helm of my own vessel right here in the Bulitt home. My crew was made up of little people, all scampering around looking to me for food, for fun, for love - for life. For piggybacks and "speed boat". For "chase me" and "cuss time". A tiring job, a challenging position, that is for certain, but one which I think I grew into and more comfortable as my time in the Captain's chair went by. I didn't think much about it then, but now I do. My days as Captain, my time as the center of my children's lives, it has most certainly passed. Today, my ship largely runs itself, my crew more often than not, much happier to be on their own, making their own way, walking their own paths.

I am Captain Dunsel. Or am I?

Does my oldest still call me every day from college, pretty much without fail? She does. Does my high school senior still rely upon me to help her with getting ready for her next steps in life - beyond high school? She does. And my 15 year old - doesn't she need me now more than ever to help her reach beyond and around her array of issues to be the best she can be? I think she does. And what about my baby? My 12 year old who looks and wants you to think she is really 18. Doesn't she need me to remind her that its okay to be a kid for awhile longer? I know she does.

Do all of my girls still laugh at my jokes? They do. Do they want to tell me about their successes, and sometimes even their failures? Yes.Yes. I believe they do.

Maybe I dont need to be the center of my children's lives to continue to be important to their lives. I think I can still make a difference without having to be the only difference.

Its amazing how a little glass of oaky anejo can give you clarity.

Captain Dunsel? Oh no. Not me. Not now. Not ever.